I woke up today to my almost 1 yr old crying; he hasn't been feeling well since we returned from Alaska on Saturday. I did my best to calm him by cuddling on the couch in hopes to have a few moments alone with God. I was doing my best to focus on the scripture "Be still and know that I am God." I kept saying it over and over in my mind in an effort to focus myself to him. He is God, he is provider, he is lover, he is friend, he is joy, he is deliverer, he is redeemer; How can anyone go wrong with that. Seth fell asleep in my arms and soon after as did I. 1 o' clock is when I finally woke up, we're still adjusting to the time change.
I tried to get my day started again, but found myself dwelling on finances and our business. The stress of not knowing "how" ends will meet is something that I've struggled with becoming frustrating. My frustration soon branched into other areas throughout the day, having relationship with my husband and even taking care of my sick child became duties I couldn't take care of. My mind was on overload. I hate feeling that way. In that moment I should have walked upstairs and turn my mind to God. I'm sure that would have done the trick.
God is good. He has always provided for me. Why do I question "how" ends will meet then. Why do I become so engulfed with the cares of money? Am I allowing it to somehow control me? I suppose it has some kind of hold on me if I think about it so much. How then, I ask, do I "not" think about it? How do I take joy over dwelling in my self induced suffering?
I need break-through. I need my life to change because hope seems so dim on the path I'm on.
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